5. Tech T-Shirt Slogans

Don’t Anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.

The proper way to declare war in software development is var war;

I void warranties

I read your email

Linux isn’t magic. It’s sudo-science.

Kids: Don’t try this at ~

Code poet

Byte Me

I see dead pixels

cd /pub; more beer

No, I will not fix your computer

There is no place like 127.0.0.1

There is no place like ::1

Bow before me for I am root

Dilbert is NOT fiction

It must be user error

/* No Comment */

Killer Coding Ninja Monkeys

I came. I saw. I copied. Thank you Stack Overflow.

Commodork

LOAD “*”,8,1

w00t!

Blogito, Ergo Sum (I Blog, therefore I am)

I adore my C64

Talk nerdy to me

My Amiga is my Amigo

My other shirt is clever

Jesus saves. Buddha does incremental backups.

I don’t flip tables when programming. I DROP them.

/usr/bin/drinking?

Machine language will rise again

Typos. That’s just how I role.

My other computer is your Windows box

HTTP 200 jokes are OK

Uranus is a gas giant

I’m not lying. I’m writing fiction with my mouth.

If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0

I want to be a nice person, but everyone is just so stupid

Pi day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math

Nerds have big disks

FSCK

Go away or I will replace you with a very small shell script

Sex, drugs and sausage rolls

If you hold a UNIX shell up to your ear, you can hear the C

SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0 (back of shirt says “0 records returned”)

Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain

The larger the download button, the less safe it is

Apparently, common sense isn’t all that common

I am not a geek! I am a Level 12 Paladin.

To quote Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 3, Line 87: “No.”

Gravity brings me down

/BB|[^B]{2}/ (Shakespeare’s “to be or not to be” as a Regular Expression)

chown -R us ./base (All your base are belong to us …. in Linux form)

In the time you took to read this, a CPU exploit has been discovered

I’m a Full Stack Overflow developer

I’m not an athlete. I’m a mathlete.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

Your ringtone sucks

I didn’t install antivirus on my laptop because I don’t want it to get autism

According to my co-worker’s diary, I have boundary issues

I refuse to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person

Merry C:\hristmas (the PC term for Christmas)

The first step in solving any problem is to dramatically underestimate its difficulty

Come to the Dark Side. We have better IDE themes.

The only dates I get are updates

buzzwords ≠ effort

I store all of my Dad jokes in a SQL dadabase

Any job can be a dream job if you fall asleep at work

Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people

You’ve got to build bypasses

I’m part of the problem

It’s faster to say “world wide web” than “www”

May the --force be with you

I Recycle. I wore this shirt yesterday.

Go big or go ::1

Don’t create a file called -rf

I’m blogging this

98% CHIMP

sudo think

$HOME is where the .bashrc is

Big Data is anything that will crash Excel

Just sudo it.

I haven’t taken a vacation in a while… I need a <br/>

iFarted

Mac the planet!

You read my t-shirt. That’s enough social interaction for one day.

People like you are the reason people like me are on medication

Sturegeon’s Law: Ninety percent of everything is crap

Pasocon Otaku (Personal Computer Geek)

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK

I went outside once. The graphics are not that good.

Roses are red
Errors are bad
My system doesn't boot
Because I've deleted /etc/fstab

Spellcheck can’t fix stupid

Just fucking Google it

Have you tried switching it off and on again?

I have not lost my mind - It’s backed up on disk somewhere

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement, I would be unstoppable!

* * * * * /bin/true 5 star cron job. Would definitely run again!

It’s not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger

Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome. But shit happens.

There’s too much blood in my caffeine stream

We need to talk about your TPS reports

A girlfriend is no substitute for video games

I’m not babbling, it’s just encrypted

If I got smart with you, how would you know?

Never judge a book by its movie

Jenuis

There are no emoticons to express how I feel right now

I hacked a Gibson

You had me at EHLO

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Git reset --hard
When Ctrl+z won't do

Just shut up and reboot already

333 (Only half evil)

I’m not Goth, I’m Sith

I’m with /dev/null –>

n00bs are people too

Software developers are code-blooded animals

There is no place like ~

I don’t get distracted - I go on side quests

iLove Apple

I beat Tetris

Shit Creek survivor

People dislike JavaScript developers who over React

Pasta + antipasta =

Textually Active

I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Dave

I’m not a pirate. I’m a 21st Century Che liberating files from the capitalist overlords!

Do these protons make my mass look big?

Android is just Linux in drag

!clue

I love poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick

I may have no life, but at least I can prove it mathematically

If I got smart with you, how would you know?

Spanish programmers code in Sí++

Life is really just a series of if-then-else statements

I was uncool before uncool was cool

N00Bs are people too

Declare variables, not war

I failed the Turing Test

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id=3

nanotechnology is huge

I’m only here because my server is down

I have the body of a God. Too bad its Buddha.

It works on my machine

Only two things are infinite: The Universe, and the 40-day trial of Winrar

WWSD (What Would Spock Do?)

If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear

E Pluribus Modem

Home is where you hang your @

Obey alien orders

3 of the 4 voices in my head think I’m crazy

I am the terror that surfs the night

If you die in VR, you die in real life

I’m OK if Plan A fails. There are 25 more letters left.

I’m one null pointer exception away from losing it right now

Code like the best, browse like the rest

A romantic dinner would be incomplete without an email about a critical production bug

007 is really dumb permissions to have on a spy

Ubuntu is an ancient African word that means “I can’t configure Debian”

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Unexpected '}' on line 32. 

I find your faith in technology amusing

My hard drive crashed and the NSA won’t give me the backup they have of it

Google told me you suck

Dr. Evil stole my mojo

:w saves!

I don’t always test my code, but when I do, I do it in production

I have OCD and ADD. Everything has to be perfect, but not for very long.

stop(); //HammerTime

I legally can’t lift that. I’m in the Fitness Protection Program.

Mathematical puns are the first sine of madness

Programmer. n. An organism that turns caffeine into software.

Did you know? Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V and Ctrl-Z have saved more lives than Batman.

I’m sorry. It was your Sharona the whole time.

My computer has crashed, and now all my other computers have slowed down to see what’s happening

HTTP 413 Error: Request entity too large

Keep your friends close, and your charger closer

// life motto 
if (sad() === true) { 
  sad().stop(); 
  beAwesome(); 
}

Jurassic Park was a cautionary tale about the dangers of underpaying IT workers

I’m not antisocial. I’m just not user friendly.

Humans are to me as software updates are to an iPhone battery

Like Scarlet O’Hara, Linux depends on the kindness of strangers for its development

Newton’s Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed

So what if my girlfriend’s last name is Jpeg?

Children are our future…..unless we stop them now!

while [ true ]
do
  eat
  sleep $RANDOM
done

I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them

Top 10 reasons to procrastinate: 1.

If you have nothing to do, do it on Facebook

Technically, it isn’t hoarding if your stuff is cool

Retro video games can’t be won. They just get harder and harder until you die. Just like real life.

My software never has bugs - it just develops random features

UTSL (Use the source, Luke)

My computer is so slow, it Hz

Stop trying to domesticate me

[deletia]

Sorry if I seem off today - I’ve got a terrible case of netlag

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix

[Hit any user to continue]

My social worker says I’m special

To truly find yourself, all you need to do is play hide-and-seek alone

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action

A Haiku for getting up for work:

No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

Tell Marie Kondo that the reason I have so many old SUN computers in my basement is because they all SPARC joy

YAML:
 - Y: Yelling
   - A: At
   - M: My
   - L: Laptop

Home is where the external monitor is

Linux distributions are just zodiac signs for nerds

“Sup losers” is a gender neutral way to address a group of people

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up three thousand times the disk space

May Jobs have mercy on your soul (next to Apple logo)

Never :q!

I don’t drink caffeine to wake up. I wake up to drink caffeine.

E=MC Hammer

Still debating whether I should use my coffee for good or evil today

To delete all French language files from your system: rm -fr /

Googling diseases just tells you which ones have the best SEO

The problem with git jokes is that everyone has their own version

Real Housewives of Enterprise Linux (RHEL)

I remember when Computer was a class

It’s not a data breach, it’s a surprise backup

I’ve decided I no longer believe in the existence of cybersecurity

SELECT SUM(wood_qty)
FROM wood_chuck
WHERE chuck = TRUE;

Before the Internet, pirates used pier-to-pier networking

Plan:
  1. Make plan
  2. ?????
  3. Profit

Laptop stickers are how geeks tell other geeks what gang they’re in

git commit -m “felt cute, might revert later”

I’m an expert in the ancient Japanese art of sudo

Everything you’ve done in your life has led up to you reading this