5. Tech T-Shirt Slogans

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Reading Time: 11 mins
Section: Tech Stuff
Categories: info
Tags: computing tech development programming IT sysadmin

shirt pic

Don’t Anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.

The proper way to declare war in software development is var war;

I void warranties

I read your email

Linux isn’t magic. It’s sudo-science.

Kids: Don’t try this at ~

Code poet

Byte Me

I see dead pixels

To truly find yourself, play hide-and-seek alone

cd /pub; more beer

No, I will not fix your computer

There is no place like 127.0.0.1

There is no place like ::1

Bow before me for I am root

Dilbert is not fiction

It must be user error

/* No Comment */

Killer Coding Ninja Monkeys

I came. I saw. I copied. Thankyou Stack Overflow.

Commodork

LOAD “*”,8,1

w00t!

I adore my C64, but my Amiga is my Amigo

Talk nerdy to me

Jesus saves. Buddha does incremental backups.

I don’t flip tables when programming. I DROP them.

/usr/bin/drinking?

Machine language will rise again

Typos. That’s just how I role.

I’m in the Fitness Protection Program

My other computer is your Windows box

My love life is like an iPhone. I don’t have an iPhone.

HTTP 200 jokes are OK

I’m not lying. I’m writing fiction with my mouth.

If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0

Pi day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math

Nerds have big disks

My PIN is the last 4 digits of pi

FSCK

Go away or I will replace you with a very small shell script

If you hold a UNIX shell up to your ear, you can hear the C

I trap the KILL signal

SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0 (back of shirt says “0 records returned”)

Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain

The larger the download button, the less safe it is

Apparently, common sense isn’t all that common

I’m not a geek. I’m a Level 12 Paladin.

To quote Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 3, Line 87: “No.”

Gravity brings me down

/BB|[^B]{2}/ (Shakespeare’s “to be or not to be” as a Regular Expression)

In the time you took to read this, a CPU exploit has been discovered

I’m a Full Stack Overflow developer

I’m not an athlete. I’m a mathlete.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t

chown -R us ./base (All your base are belong to us …. in Linux form)

Your ringtone sucks

According to my co-worker’s diary, I have boundary issues

I refuse to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person

Merry C:\hristmas (the PC term for Christmas)

The first step in solving any problem is to dramatically underestimate its difficulty

Come to the Dark Side. We have better IDE themes.

SELECT SUM(wood_qty)
FROM wood_chuck
WHERE chuck = TRUE;

The only dates I get are updates

buzzwords ≠ effort

I store all of my Dad jokes in a SQL dadabase

May the --force be with you

Any job can be a dream job if you fall asleep at work

Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people

I’m part of the problem

It’s faster to say “world wide web” than “www”

One ring to hold them
One ring to fold them
One ring to walk away
And one ring to run

I Recycle. I wore this shirt yesterday.

Go big or go ::1

Don’t create a file called -rf

I’m blogging this

98% CHIMP

sudo think

Give me coffee to change the things I can change, and heavy metal to accept the things I can’t

$HOME is where the .bashrc is

Big Data is anything that will crash Excel

Just sudo it

I haven’t taken a vacation in a while… I need a <br/>

Mac the planet!

You read my t-shirt. That’s enough social interaction for one day.

People like you are the reason people like me are on medication

More fiction has been written in Microsoft Excel than in Microsoft Word

I’ve got 99 problems… and they’re all Luftballons

Sturgeon’s Law: Ninety percent of everything is crap

I went outside once. The graphics are not that good.

Roses are red
Errors are bad
My system doesn't boot
Because I've deleted /etc/fstab

Spellcheck can’t fix stupid

Just Google it.

Just ChatGPT it.

Have you tried switching it off and on again?

I have not lost my mind. It’s backed up on disk somewhere.

I could change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement, I would be unstoppable!

* * * * * /bin/true 5 star cron job. Would definitely run again!

It’s not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger

Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome. But shit happens.

There’s too much blood in my caffeine stream

I’m silently correcting your grammar

My hobbies include overthinking and under-documenting

We need to talk about your TPS reports

A girlfriend is no substitute for video games

I’m not babbling… it’s just encrypted

Never judge a book by its movie

Jenuis

There are no emoticons to express how I feel right now

I hacked a Gibson

You had me at EHLO

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Git reset --hard
When Ctrl+z won't do

Just shut up and reboot already

333 (Only half evil)

I’m not Goth, I’m Sith

I’m with /dev/null –>

Software developers are code-blooded animals

There is no place like ~

I don’t get distracted - I go on side quests

iLove Apple

I beat Tetris

I make computers solve problems I created

Shit Creek survivor

Running in production is my cardio

π is just circle propaganda

People dislike JavaScript developers who over React

Textually Active

I’m not a pirate. I’m a 21st Century Che liberating files from the capitalist overlords.

Android is just Linux in drag

!clue

I love poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick

I may have no life, but at least I can prove it mathematically

If I got smart with you, how would you know?

Spanish programmers code in Sí++

Life is really just a series of if-then-else statements

I was uncool before uncool was cool

N00Bs are people too

Declare variables, not war

I failed the Turing Test

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id=3

nanotechnology is huge

I’m only here because my server is down

I have the body of a God. Too bad its Buddha.

It works on my machine

Only two things are infinite: The Universe, and the 40-day trial of Winrar

YAML:
 - Y: Yelling
   - A: At
   - M: My
   - L: Laptop

If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear

Home is where you hang your @

3 of the 4 voices in my head think I’m crazy

I am the terror that surfs the night

My other terminal has more terminals

Live Laugh :q!

I’m OK if Plan A fails. There are 25 more letters left.

I’m one null pointer exception away from losing it right now

I’m built entirely on technical debt

Code like the best, browse like the rest

A romantic dinner would be incomplete without an email about a critical production bug

007 is really dumb permissions to have on a spy

Ubuntu is an ancient African word that means “I can’t configure Debian”

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Unexpected '}' on line 32.

I find your faith in technology amusing

My hard drive crashed and the NSA won’t give me the backup they have of it

Google told me you suck

Linux is over 3 decades old… of course it’s starting to Rust

Dr. Evil stole my mojo

:w saves!

I don’t always test my code. But when I do, I do it in production.

stop(); //HammerTime

Mathematical puns are the first sine of madness

Programmer. n. An organism that turns caffeine into software.

Cron jobs build character

Eat. Sleep. Segmentation fault.

I void production environments

Ctrl-Z has saved more lives than Batman

grep expectations

I’m sorry. It was your Sharona the whole time.

I turn caffeine into incident reports

At this point, rebooting things is less troubleshooting and more a spiritual practice

HTTP 413 Error: Request entity too large

Keep your friends close, and your charger closer

// life motto 
if (sad() === true) { 
  sad().stop(); 
  beAwesome(); 
}

Jurassic Park was a cautionary tale about the dangers of underpaying IT workers

I’m not antisocial. I’m just not user-friendly.

Humans are to me as software updates are to an iPhone battery

Captain Kirk: Inside you are two wolves...
Scotty: Sorry about the transporter malfunction.

Like Scarlet O’Hara, Linux depends on the kindness of strangers for its development

Newton’s Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed

So what if my girlfriend’s last name is Jpeg?

I use tabs responsibly

Nobody believes in preventative maintenance until after the outage

Children are our future…..unless we stop them now!

while [ true ]
do
  eat
  sleep $RANDOM
done

I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them

Top 10 reasons to procrastinate: 1.

Technically, it isn’t hoarding if your stuff is cool

Retro video games can’t be won. They just get harder and harder until you die. Just like real life.

My software never has bugs. It develops random features.

My computer is so slow, it Hz

Stop trying to domesticate me

If I seem off today, it’s because I’m suffering from netlag

Optimist: The glass is ½ full.
Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty.
Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix

Every IT department eventually develops folklore

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action

I simply walk into Mordor

Agile would work much better if people stopped involving deadlines and other stakeholders

A Haiku for getting up for work:

No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

Home is where the external monitor is

Linux distributions are just zodiac signs for nerds

The final stage of technical expertise is becoming emotionally attached to obsolete hardware

May Jobs have mercy on your soul (next to Apple logo)

Never :q!

I don’t drink caffeine to wake up. I wake up to drink caffeine.

The four seasons:
1. Summer
2. Fall
3. SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT from Environment Canada
4. Spring

E=MC Hammer

Still debating whether I should use my coffee for good or evil today…

There used to be a time when you could log out of the Internet and go do other things

To delete all French language files from your system: rm -fr /

Googling diseases just tells you which ones have the best SEO

The problem with git jokes is that everyone has their own version

I once got so drunk, I bought a WinRAR license

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles

I remember when Computer was a class

It’s not a data breach, it’s a surprise backup

I’ve decided I no longer believe in the existence of cybersecurity

Before the Internet, pirates used pier-to-pier networking

2-in-1 shampoo violates the UNIX philosophy

Plan:
  1. Make plan
  2. ?????
  3. Profit

Laptop stickers are how geeks tell other geeks what gang they’re in

git commit -m “felt cute, might revert later”

I’m an expert in the ancient Japanese art of sudo

The greatest honour I can bestow upon a piece of software is pinning it to my taskbar

I’m so old, I can remember going through an entire day without taking a picture of something

My least favourite turn-based strategy game is email

SciFi future: Everything beeps and blinks.
Actual future: How do I make everything stop beeping and blinking?

Light bulbs were such a good idea, that they became the symbol for a good idea

Every exercise is a lower back exercise if you do it wrong enough

I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading half the entire Internet every night

When in doubt, //it out

I’m “still afraid to use spaces in file names” years old

A - DNS record
AA - battery
AAA - battery
AAAA - DNS record

It’s not really my thing, but “Good Morning” to those who celebrate

Stealing art to train an image generation model is called the six finger discount

They used to call it “crastinate” until I did it

The cloud is just someone else’s computer until the invoice arrives

Only YOU can stop global warming. Because I really have no time right now.

Every organization eventually becomes legacy infrastructure with a marketing department

Everything you’ve done in your life has led up to you reading this